"If any of the kids were chewing gum, eating, or tapping their nails on the table [in the schoolroom or on set], I desperately wanted to run away," Gilbert told People magazine. "I would turn as red as a beet, my eyes would fill with tears, and I would just sit there feeling absolutely miserable and terribly guilty for feeling such hatred toward all these people - people I loved," the actress recalls.
She Recalls: I Really Thought I Was Naughty
Although she enjoyed tremendous popularity from 1974 and in 1985 became the youngest person ever to receive her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (for her role in the film "Sylvester"), she suffered for a long time without understanding what was happening to her.
What caused these feelings and thoughts? It wasn't until she was an adult that Gilbert learned she suffers from a neurological disorder called misophonia. This condition manifests as emotional and physiological reactions to specific sounds and images. The actress shares that she cried when she finally discovered the reason behind her struggles and realized that "she wasn't just a bad person." She says:
"I really thought I was naughty. And I felt really bad. The guilt, which is a huge part of misophonia, the guilt for wanting to fight or flee... It’s a truly isolating disorder."
Her Family Thought She Was "Just Looking" at Her Loved Ones "with Eyes Full of Hatred"
The actress also admitted that her family perceived her as someone who "just looked" at her loved ones "with eyes full of hatred." She, too, had a poor self-image. "It made me feel fear and isolation, and when those feelings emerged, anger would follow," she describes. "I also had an overwhelming sense of guilt for what I considered 'bad thoughts,'" she adds. Gilbert is now collaborating with Duke University Medical Center to raise awareness about this disorder.
Gilbert eventually underwent a 16-week course of cognitive-behavioral therapy. "It's an emotional issue. It's about self-regulation and self-control," she explains. "I realized that I could ride these waves, but they won’t go away. They will never go away. But now I have all these tools that help me feel more comfortable and less upset. Because of that, I feel in control," she says, adding that she’s glad her loved ones no longer have to "walk on eggshells" around her.
She also revealed that one of the first signs that she’s starting to feel anxious due to misophonia is that her feet begin to clench. "So as soon as I feel it coming on, I relax my feet," she explained. "And when I gain control over my feet, I can move on to the next things... this discovery changed my whole life," she explains.
