"My wife and I have been married for nine years. Shortly after the wedding, we had children, and Sandra stayed on maternity leave for the first few years. That was the best time for me. Everything was as it should be. I went to work and brought home the money, while she took care of the kids and the house. We always had enough, even for some little indulgences or trips. Then she returned to work, and the bliss in my mind ended. Right off the bat, she got a promotion and a raise. Shortly after, she also started receiving an annual bonus. At first, I was happy. We could finally make some long-overdue repairs around the house, do some small renovations, look for a second car, and still save some money in our savings account".
"I earn half as much as my wife. I'm ashamed"
"But after a while, I realized that I should be the one bringing in that money. Meanwhile, I earn half as much as my wife. I'm ashamed in front of my friends when the conversation turns to finances. And it does, because they see the new car, hear about the renovations, or notice that Sandra is frequently going to the beautician. At every family gathering, I pray that we can avoid this topic because I don't know who I'm more embarrassed in front of - my parents or my in-laws".
"I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but I feel like even my wife has started treating me differently. She used to be very affectionate, and now she sits on the other end of the couch. She doesn’t look at me the way she used to. I feel like a complete failure. I'm starting to fall into a kind of depression. I just don't know what to do. Is there a way to fix this? Do people manage to stay together when these roles are reversed?".
A wife earning more - is this a "sign that the marriage won't work"?
The answer to this question was addressed in a recent video by a relationship specialist. On his Instagram profile, Michał Szatiło revealed that a wife’s higher earnings significantly impact a husband’s sense of self-worth. According to the studies he cited, "the level of stress experienced by men increases when the wife’s contribution exceeds 40% of the household budget".
This growing tension can lead to marital problems and sometimes even end in divorce. However, this risk is gradually decreasing.
In marriages from the 1960s and 1970s, practically any increase in a wife's earnings was associated with a higher risk of divorce, but for couples who married in the 1990s, this correlation is much weaker
- the article reads.
So, can a relationship where the woman earns more survive? The answer is: it depends. Although the world is changing, such a situation can still create conflicts and crises in relationships. However, it is not something you should see as a sign that the marriage won’t work. It’s more of a situation that you both need to approach consciously and simply talk about - how you see your relationship, how you view finances, what your future will look like, and how you see your partner, whether they earn more or less. Everything can be resolved, but you need to approach it as mature, grown-up people
- Michał Szatiło explained.
