When I was young, I often heard: if you don't have children, there won't be anyone to bring you a glass of water in your old age. Everyone emphasized that there's nothing more beautiful than motherhood. For a moment, I agreed with them. Now I know that a mother's life is a constant pain, longing, and loneliness. Especially when the child is already an adult.
I gave birth to a wonderful son and dedicated my entire life to him. I never thought I would ever regret it. Back then, his happiness was all that mattered. As soon as he was born, my career lost its importance. Work shifted from a passion to a means of making money. I gave up on training, on development, I stopped going on business trips. I would go to the office, but my thoughts were always at home - with him. He was the apple of my eye. My husband never understood this. He, on the other hand, would escape to work.
"I Did Everything to Make Sure My Son Lacked Nothing"
We were never well-off, but I think I did everything as a mother to ensure that my son lacked nothing. He wanted to learn to play the guitar, I bought him a guitar. He wanted to play basketball, I drove him to practice. He dreamed of brand-name shoes, I worked overtime to get him those Adidas shoes. My husband would get angry because there were months when, because of the child's whims, we were late with payments, but somehow we always managed to get by. And at least my son didn't feel out of place among the kids in his class.
When he went to university, my husband and I separated. We no longer had much in common. Only anger and mutual resentment remained. My son accepted it and tried to spend one weekend with me and the next with his father. However, when he got his first job, something changed. He started to drift away, to disappear.
"He Called Me a Toxic Mother"
Suddenly, I realized that I had dedicated my entire life to my child and ended up completely alone. My son cut off contact with me. I understand that a career is important, but is it more important than your mother? I always told him to study, that one day we would hear great things about him. I believed in him more than anyone else. But I never expected that it would turn against me. His work consumed him so much that he first stopped visiting me because there was always something more important, and then he even stopped calling.
When I started demanding contact, I was hit with a barrage of complaints. He called me a toxic mother, said that I only think about myself and that his life doesn't matter to me at all. I felt as if I had been slapped in the face. I gave him my entire life. What went wrong that, when I need him the most, I'm left completely alone?
Maria
