This article is written by Marta Korycka, a journalist for Gazeta.pl.
- No swearing
- Only one pair of earrings
- No caffeine
- No alcohol
- No tattoos, the body is sacred
- No sex before marriage
These are the rules devout Mormon women are supposed to follow. "At 21, we’re supposed to have kids. In my case, at 16," adds one of the show's characters. Meanwhile, the women in Secrets of Mormon Wives decided that these rules didn’t quite align with their lives. Young women from Utah (home to the largest community of Mormons) took to TikTok to show they are part of a "new generation of Mormon women". "We are strong women trying to change the stigma of women’s roles in Mormon culture" - they say. They dress how they want, drink alcohol, and - as revealed in 2022 during a major scandal in the U.S. - even engage in swinging with their own and other women's husbands from the religious community.
Secrets of Mormon Wives: "And Suddenly, Everyone Started Swinging"
"Extraordinarily scandalous headlines" surfaced after Taylor Frankie Paul, the founder of the #MomTok group, went live on TikTok in May 2022, announcing that she was getting a divorce. Moreover, she admitted that she and other Mormon women were swapping sexual partners during group sex parties. It turned out that some members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with 16.1 million followers in 160 countries, weren’t exactly following the rules. While the influencer didn’t name names, she said that "everyone was hooking up with everyone," and "no one was innocent". She referred to their behavior as "soft swinging," leaving some ambiguity about how far they really went.
One key requirement for achieving celestial glory is an eternal marriage. To be clear, this means a marriage that is unbreakable even after death, a concept that for many years did not conflict with officially practiced polygamy, still recognized and practiced by some fundamentalists today. However, some of the show’s characters have already been through divorces. They admit that being socially pressured into marriage as a teenager can result in an unhappy union.
"I Thought Everyone Lived Like This"
Let’s rewind to the creation of #MomTok. Four women wanted to show that while living in the Mormon community, which views itself as part of mainstream Christianity (though many Christians would disagree), they could still be modern and liberated. They began filming funny videos, dancing, and lip-syncing to popular songs. They quickly gained a massive following. In Secrets of Mormon Wives, now available on Disney+ in Poland, they try to navigate life and fame after the swinger scandal became public. In the first episode, the women meet for the first time since the scandal with the intention of returning to filming MomTok videos. However, they begin by discussing how one of their husbands never initiates intimacy.
"I grew up in a bubble. I thought everyone lived like this," says one of the women at the beginning of the first episode. "I thought the whole world was Mormon." Taylor Frankie Paul admits that as a young woman, she partied, drank, and got married right after high school, feeling pressure from the Church and her mother because she had been sexually active with her boyfriend. She wasn’t the only one to go to the temple pregnant, even though she was supposed to be a virgin on her wedding day, according to her religion’s teachings.
If You're Looking for More Than Another Version of Real Housewives, Find a Different Show
After its September premiere, the reality show became the top-rated show of the year in its category on Hulu in the U.S. Many viewers expected to see the participants of swinging parties being exposed, but instead, they got different kinds of drama.
Secrets of Mormon Wives resembles other reality shows, like Keeping Up with the Kardashians or Real Housewives of Hollywood. There are "natural" coffee chats and confessions straight to the camera. While it seemed that Taylor Frankie Paul’s biggest challenge would be rebuilding her life with a new boyfriend and her kids a month after her divorce and just a few months after the scandal broke, the show’s creators also reveal, for example, her arrest. In February 2023, she was jailed on charges of assault, criminal mischief, and domestic violence in the presence of a child. Other participants also reveal secrets – some you might not even want to know.
They talk a lot about the strength of women, but often act like high school girls straight out of the movie Mean Girls (which they reference multiple times). You might not find hair-pulling fights (thankfully!), but you’ll see plenty of odd schemes and loud arguments. As you watch more episodes, it’s hard to believe their claims of friendship - unless you're thinking of the proverb: God, protect me from my friends; I can handle my enemies myself.
Some members of MomTok are more religious than others, and to be honest, I would have liked to hear more of their stories. Repeating over and over again that having a child out of wedlock is a problem for the Church could have been said a few times and that would have been enough, just like the information that instead of alcohol or coffee, most Mormons are addicted to soda. But things like getting divorced in your twenties, leaving an abusive relationship, or realizing that what you thought was strong love was actually an attempt at control – these are the stories that interested me.
Unfortunately, the show only briefly touches on these deeper themes in the last two episodes, while earlier, it glosses over them in favor of focusing on entertainment and arguments about who should have called but didn’t. What also stands out is how these "friends" from a supposedly supportive women's community often struggle to communicate with each other with respect when they’re upset.
The show is typical reality TV, pretending to offer something more meaningful. We hear the women talk about how Mormons avoid alcohol but have no problem with ketamine or frequent Botox, despite being theoretically forbidden from tattooing their supposedly "sacred" bodies. The characters will talk about it and break the rules, but no one really asks "why." If you want to watch it like any other reality show, go ahead, you might enjoy it. But if you're looking for something more, find another title.
"It’s a Terrible Show, But I Want More"
And what are the critics saying? "It’s about friendship, faith, backstabbing, psychological manipulation, infidelity, and vacations – just like a typical season of The Real Housewives," writes David Oliver of USA Today. Samantha Nungesser in Decider praises the show for "keeping viewers hooked from start to finish." And while some (like Monica Hesse of The Washington Post) argue that it’s not a good show, others, like Kevin Fallon of The Daily Beast, write:
I just listed a litany of reasons why this show is a disaster. And yet, I’ve become a convert. It’s a terrible show, but I want more. I don’t know if #MomTok will survive this parody. But Secrets of Mormon Wives certainly will.
It looks like there will be a second season, despite The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issuing a statement after the show’s premiere saying: "Some events are portrayed honestly and accurately, while others rely on stereotypes or blatant false events, which are in poor taste and have real-life consequences for believers. While this is not new, many recent productions depict lifestyles and practices grossly inconsistent with the teachings of the Church." They emphasized that this isn’t a representative story, as it only shows a few women.
"When the controversy started, MomTok lost its whole meaning. Is this just a group of swingers or modern Mormon women fighting patriarchy?" - wonders one of them on camera with a broad smile. Based on just a few episodes, we probably won’t answer that question, but that’s not really why viewers watch such shows. It’s interesting to wonder if the women themselves know the answer.
