Dr. Nicole Le Pera is a well-known and popular psychologist. She describes her field of interest as holistic psychology. In her practice, she focuses on healing trauma, among other things. Her book, also available in Poland under the title How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self, was hailed as a New York Times bestseller. In it, Le Pera offers a set of tools necessary to break free from harmful behaviors and advises on how to start taking care of yourself. The psychologist is also active on social media, where she shares her knowledge in bite-sized pieces. Her TikTok videos have garnered over 28 million likes and are widely popular. In one of her recent posts, she addressed the topic of emotionally immature parents. Find out if this issue affects you too.
Do you have emotionally immature parents? The psychologist explains how to identify the problem
In one of her latest TikTok videos, Nicole Le Pera explains how to recognize if you were raised by emotionally immature parents. She claims that if your entire life revolves around them, their well-being, and meeting their needs, this problem likely applies to you.
If you feel guilty when you do something just for yourself or because you have your own life beyond your parents, you were probably raised to be like a barometer, constantly attuned to your parent's mood changes. You always had to know how they were feeling at any given moment and what they were thinking. Every time you tried to set boundaries, they reacted as if it were a rejection or a personal attack
- Le Pera explains. She adds that emotionally immature parents react to any attempt at autonomy like children who’ve just been denied something.
Like children, they simply don’t understand the need for autonomy or setting personal space. When they don’t listen to you or respect your boundaries, you end up feeling like you’re doing something wrong and are responsible for how they feel
- she adds. What can we do in this situation? The first step is to let go of the guilt.
Setting boundaries with emotionally immature parents: "It’s time to reclaim your life"
In the second part of the video, Nicole Le Pera explains that there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in relationships with emotionally immature parents, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
The truth is, you're not doing anything wrong by setting a boundary or creating the space you need to build a life on your own terms. Even if this scares or frightens your parents, it's time to reclaim your life and focus on your own healing
- she concludes. Do you think the problem described by the psychologist applies to your relationship with your parents? The first step to fixing dysfunctional relationships is recognizing the issue.
