The author of this article is Justyna Bryczkowska, a journalist for Gazeta.pl.
The series Monsters: The Story of Lyle and Erik Menendez has remained in the top 10 most-watched English-language series on Netflix for three weeks since its premiere. In the first week of October alone, viewers worldwide spent 103,600,000 hours watching the dramatized retelling of how the wealthy brothers brutally murdered their mother and father.
After the Netflix series premiere, the Menendez brothers gained new fans
The popularity of the drama series, along with the documentary about the Menendez brothers released shortly afterward, has sparked a trend on social media. Women have begun posting videos focusing on how handsome the brothers looked during their televised trials. TikTok user heyyitssalex posted edited clips from Erik’s various hearings with the caption: "If this man ever gets released, I would like to press official charges against the state of California for keeping him behind bars during the prime of his life".
Other users on the platform write things like, "The fact that he’s still handsome is literally killer" and "Ladies, we all have issues, and I’m here because of them," as reported by Kelly Coffey-Behrens from The Blast.
Murderers who found wives in prison
Both Menendez brothers married while imprisoned for life sentences for the brutal murder of their parents. Even during their highly publicized trials, Erik and Lyle received countless letters from women infatuated with them. The same happened with other criminals who committed numerous and bloody murders, such as Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, or Jeffrey Dahmer. Admirers from around the world sent them love letters and gifts. Ted Bundy even married one of his admirers, Carole Anne Boone, during his 1980 trial. At that time, Boone had already been through two divorces and had two children. Bundy was executed in 1989.
There have been similar cases in Poland as well. One of the country’s most notorious serial killers, Mariusz Trynkiewicz, married in prison after being convicted. "I think people focus too much on the events of 1988. I asked Mariusz about his past - though not until two years into our relationship. He told me he had killed those boys, and he still doesn’t know why. But he never raped them, as the media claimed. Indeed, the court’s justification does not mention rape, only that he was previously convicted of lewd acts against boys," Trynkiewicz’s wife said in an interview with journalist Justyna Kopińska. In her book Poland Turns a Blind Eye, Trynkiewicz's wife described their wedding: "There was a delicious coffee cake. My mother-in-law also brought a cream roll and cheesecake. The director of the facility in Gostynin went above and beyond. He gave us the visitation room for the ceremony," she recounted.
On the forum of the website Kafeteria.pl, women discussed how handsome and attractive Kajetan Poznański - a young librarian who murdered an Italian tutor he met online in 2016 - was. "What he did is cruel and inhumane, so I don’t want to be attracted to him. But when I look at his pictures, I can’t believe that he committed such an act. I don’t associate him with being a murderer," one commenter wrote, while another added, "He was liked by many girls at university, had great charisma and a way with words, but he never seemed to notice the girls. He seemed to consider them beneath him, unworthy of his attention," Fakt reported in 2017.
Why do women fall in love with convicted murderers and other criminals?
Sheila Isenberg, author of the book Women Who Love Men Who Kill, interviewed 35 women who had fallen in love with or married convicted criminals.
Without exception, all the women I interviewed had experienced violence in their past relationships or families. Their parents, first boyfriends, husbands, or someone else - someone had abused them sexually, physically, or emotionally
- Isenberg explained in an interview with HuffPost.
Isenberg suggests that these women often feel a sense of control for the first time in their lives through their relationships with inmates. "They make the decisions, they have the freedom to come and go", Isenberg noted. Victims of abuse feel safe with incarcerated men because they are behind bars, while the women are not.
Oren Amitay, a psychologist from Toronto, adds:
Many of these women believe they are the only ones who can reach the 'real' person behind the falsely portrayed monster. Only they can give their partners the love and support they believe they deserve. The 'real self' can be revealed to them, proving that he is either innocent or at least misunderstood.
Katherine Ramsland, who teaches forensic psychology at DeSales University and is the author of The Forensic Psychology of Criminal Minds, explained to Britanny Wong of The Huffington Post that the motivations for such relationships vary: "Sometimes they seek fame by being close to notorious criminals; other times, they believe they can tame the 'wild beast.' Paraphilia [a disorder of sexual preference] is not the most common reason," Ramsland explained.
For me, the most shocking example is Jeffrey Dahmer because women with truly good intentions and pure hearts were able to overlook cannibalism, sexual violence, and the fact that he dismembered his victims. They didn’t even care that he was of a different sexual orientation
- said Dr. Sohom Das, a forensic psychiatrist from London.
Dr. Sohom Das, who also runs the YouTube channel A Psych for Sore Minds, listed the reasons women are often attracted to men who commit violent crimes in one of his videos. These range from childhood trauma to hybristophilia (a sexual attraction to criminals, which we will explain later). Additionally, he mentioned potential psychoses, a "messiah/savior complex" and the tendency to idealize long-distance relationships (since the partner is in prison, there is no experience of everyday life together: no issues like laundry, cleaning, taking out the trash, or cooking arise in these relationships).
Let’s go back to trauma. Das also emphasizes that women who get involved with criminals often have traumatic experiences in their past.
Most likely, they were victims of sexual or emotional abuse by parents or previous partners. They tend to repeat this cycle - whether intentionally or subconsciously. Unfortunately, such individuals are drawn to familiar patterns of behavior, not safe ones. We often see this phenomenon in victims of various forms of abuse
Dr. Das explained in his video.
