Milena* doesn’t hide the fact that she couldn’t be with someone who has completely different political views than her. "I can’t stand people who are politically obsessed, especially alt-right supporters. I once went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. I didn’t find him visually appealing in person, but I had my mom's and aunts' advice in mind that 'looks aren’t everything, and you should always give someone a chance,'" she recalls.
He Spent the Entire Date Talking About Conspiracy Theories
Her new acquaintance immediately began talking about politics. "During our one-hour conversation, I heard things like 'the Jews control the world and sold out Poland.' Then the topic of vaccines and a grand conspiracy came up. This was our first date, and he only talked about such bizarre theories. I was terrified," Milena explains.
Maciek shares similar thoughts with Milena. However, he reminds us that extreme views are not exclusive to men. "I once went out with a girl who was a pro-life activist. Looking back, it’s amusing that this topic came up on the first date. But maybe it was for the best, because we argued and knew that the relationship didn’t stand a chance. If I were younger, I might have made the mistake of continuing the relationship because I really liked her. But I wouldn’t want to be with someone who sees life and the world completely differently than I do," Maciek recalls.
"I have friends, though, who are in such a relationship. They’ve been married for 14 years. He usually votes for the Civic Platform (KO), and she for PiS. From what I know, they’re not as deeply invested in politics as I am. So, these topics don’t really cause conflicts between them," he adds.
Read also: "Your phone is listening to you. Here’s how to turn off the 'spy'".
"Such People Are Not Trustworthy"
Agata reveals that she doesn’t like attention-seeking people. "At the beginning of a relationship, I’m quite reserved. I need space and trust to open up. People who say whatever comes to their mind are, in my opinion, not trustworthy, and I tend to shut down around them. Plus, they are energy drainers," she explains.
Recently, Agata encountered such a person. Even though she is currently in a happy relationship and not looking for love, meeting this individual reminded her of how she feels in such company. "We were at a wedding, and there was a very attention-seeking girl there. She was going up to everyone, trying to force herself into every group. After a few drinks, she was all over every man, including my husband," Agata recalls.
Mom Was Always the Most Important
Michalina, on the other hand, is put off by a man’s excessive attachment to his mother. "I have trauma from my first relationship. My boyfriend used to apologize in the evenings for not being able to walk me home because his mom texted him that dinner was ready. He often stood me up because 'mom was always the priority.' I understand that as children, we have a strong bond with our parents, but there comes a stage when the partner should be more important," she explains.
Psychologist: We Get Along Best With People Who See the World Similarly
For years, we’ve often heard the saying that opposites attract. However, as the stories of our protagonists show, this theory doesn’t always hold true in reality. "Opposites attract, but only for a short while. Sometimes we are genuinely intrigued when someone comes from a different world, has different ideals, was shaped by different experiences, and is our complete opposite. This can be interesting, attractive, and often ignite passion and its related emotions. But problems arise when we bring such a person—with a different value system—into our daily lives. Often the magic fades because we realize that in fundamental matters, in the everyday gray areas, we can’t get along," explains psychologist and psychotherapist Katarzyna Kucewicz.
"Life as a couple only resembles a romantic comedy in the beginning. After that, prose sets in. We get along best with people who see the world somewhat similarly, who like similar things, and who have a relatively compatible worldview. Of course, we can 'beautifully' differ in less significant matters. But when it comes to key issues, it’s good to agree. Such couples tend to thrive," the expert adds.
A Relationship Between People With Opposite Views? It’s Possible
What about politics? In a polarized society, this issue is becoming increasingly important. As Katarzyna Kucewicz admits, such a relationship can succeed. However, there is one important condition. "Such a relationship can be happy if politics is not a key value for either partner. There are people for whom politics is a relatively important aspect of life, but not one of the most crucial. In such cases, differences in views can be tolerated, and we can somehow accept our partner's differences," the expert explains.
However, if political matters are important to us, and our partner enthusiastically supports the opposing side, conflicts can arise. "But conflicts can be creative for the relationship, stimulating thought and broadening perspectives. Flexible partners, open to dialogue, can thrive in such a situation. However, not everyone knows how to exchange arguments kindly and respectfully. Often, it leads to sarcasm, jabs, resentment, and insults. Can a happy relationship be built in such an atmosphere of mutual disrespect? Probably not," our interviewee concludes.
