You subscribe to five streaming platforms, yet when you finally have some free time, there’s nothing to watch. It’s a feeling every user of popular services with their overflowing libraries of films and series knows well. It seems like they have everything, but often the process of choosing the right production takes longer than watching it. For the first time, I decided to let Netflix’s top picks dictate my movie nights. I don’t recommend following my example.
The most-watched movies on Netflix often coincide with those newly added to the platform. When I began my movie marathon from the top list, "The Union" starring Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry was number one. The movie was added to Netflix on August 16 and continues to top global hit lists. I see only two reasons for this: it’s a well-promoted new release with a star-studded cast. It wouldn’t be able to attract attention with anything else.
"The Union" Is a Movie You Forget As Soon As the Credits Roll
"The Union" tells the story of a classic everyman, Mike McKenna, who fully embraces his calm, perhaps boring, life. However, when his high school sweetheart Roxanne Hall walks into the bar where he hangs out with his friends, he can’t hide his excitement. It quickly becomes clear that her life has taken a very different turn. Hall works for a spy organization and believes that her long-lost high school fling would be the perfect candidate to join her team and embark on a risky mission. After all, who better for such a task than someone you haven’t seen in years and who has zero physical or tactical preparation?
Contrary to what you might expect, the plot is somewhat justified by the philosophy of the titular "Union" which involves recruiting working-class individuals for missions. The organization values trust, diligence, and dedication over education and titles. However, we know far too little about the group Roxanne recruits Mike for to fully understand how it operates. This is a pity because it’s the most interesting aspect of the film.
This is in contrast to the teenage romance between the main characters, which rekindles before our eyes. The chemistry between Wahlberg and Berry is non-existent, and the off-mark jokes and terrible dialogue strip the relationship of any remaining authenticity. The action scenes may look decent, but the characters on screen become so indifferent so quickly that it doesn’t help build the right tension.
There’s a lack of creativity, courage, and original solutions here. "The Union" is one of those movies that pass before your eyes painlessly but are forgotten as soon as the credits roll, much like the next Netflix release, which follows the teenage drama formula.
"Freshmen" Is a Genre Copycat, Repeating All the Mistakes and Adding New Ones
This time I’m talking about "Freshmen" - a film that hit Netflix on August 23. Just like "The Union", you can watch it for the actors and some well-shot action scenes, but Dave and John Chernin's film is an absolute waste of time.
The story revolves around a group of freshmen trying to find their way in a new school. The teenagers dream of joining the "popular" kids (how original!), which affects their assertiveness (wow!) and leads to idiotic ideas (no way!). As with any cliché-ridden film, the plot revolves around the "party of the year," and the main character, Benj Nielsen, hopes it will bring him closer to his crush, who (of course) happens to be his sister’s older friend, Bailey.
Can it get more cliché? Yes, just hand the Chernin brothers a dose of ketamine, which has its own ugly storyline in the film. There’s also the "cool teacher," Mr. Studebaker, who not only treats the students as pals but even crashes their party. His fraternization with the students would likely end in tragedy in the real world, but in "Freshmen" it only leads to a hangover and more awkward moments.
The worst part of the movie is that while the characters' words encourage being yourself, the subsequent events prove that this moral shouldn’t be taken seriously. In addition, behaviors that cross the lines of decency, or even legality, aren’t portrayed here to explain, mock, or negate them but merely to push the film into the R-rated category. Want to watch a meaningful story about outcast youth trying to find their place in the world of "cool kids"? Turn on "Freaks and Geeks." Stay far away from "Freshmen."
"Cool Chicks". But Who Needs It?
The third Netflix movie that the service threw my way finally broke my patience. The French crime comedy "Cool Chicks" is the first film in a long time that I couldn’t finish, even though it lasted just 1.5 hours.
The plot revolves around Leo, who believes she’s the best cop on the French Riviera and the only one who can solve the mystery of her murdered friend. However, Ludo (the friend) dies in Hamburg, and his case is assigned to a German police officer. Leo ignores her boss’s instructions and refuses to give up the investigation. The story was likely intended as a female version of classic buddy movies, where two completely different worlds and personalities must join forces and work together to achieve a goal.
But don’t expect the outrageous chemistry of Jackman and Reynolds in "Deadpool and Wolverine" or the endless list of gags and witty dialogues from "Lethal Weapon". "Cool Chicks" isn’t cool. It’s a bland, boring, and awkward film. The constant inappropriate jokes, intended to highlight the parochial nature of the main character’s surroundings, try to mimic "The Office" but with disastrous and embarrassing results.
Fortunately, the last Netflix recommendation that appeared on my list was "The Outfit". This 2022 crime drama by Graham Moore is set in the 1950s and tells the story of Leonard Burling, a tailor whose shop unexpectedly becomes a hideout for the local mafia. The confinement of the action to one room perfectly matches the old-fashioned, theatrical atmosphere and language used in the film. It’s not a masterpiece, but it’s genuinely well-done.
The number of subplots increases by the minute, but they don’t overwhelm; instead, they skillfully build tension. Unfortunately, this balance is lost as the creators didn’t show restraint with the plot twists, which lessened their impact. However, these minor flaws are forgivable thanks to the brilliantly crafted intrigue and Mark Rylance’s excellent performance as the humble Leonard, who comes across as authentic, mysterious, and unpredictable.
The article is authored by Joanna Chojnacka, a journalist for Gazeta.pl.
