When I was younger, I didn't see anything wrong with living with family. This belief came from my own positive experiences. For some time after our wedding, my husband and I lived with my parents. It wasn’t until we built our own home that we moved out. I remember that time fondly. We didn’t step on each other's toes or impose anything on each other. Perhaps this was because we had our own separate bathroom and kitchen. If someone had asked me back then whether living with in-laws was a good idea, I probably would have said yes. Now, however, I realize that good relationships in such arrangements are not always the rule.
They decided to help the mother-in-law. "It was a mistake"
A year ago, my husband’s mother moved in with us. This happened due to her financial problems, and we decided to help her. When she started taking out loans, we knew things were getting dangerous. We thought this was the best solution. Besides, our daughter left for college two years ago, so we weren’t worried about space.
Unfortunately, her presence has made our lives worse. I had never seen this side of her before. Suddenly, she became the queen of our kitchen. She decided that since she was living with us, she was now the lady of the house. I started feeling like an intruder in my own kitchen! Sometimes, she would criticize me for not washing the dishes properly or not putting things in the fridge the right way. This kind of nitpicking extended to other parts of the house too. It feels like we moved into her home!
Now, every time I come home from work, I feel stressed. I wonder what my mother-in-law will complain about today. Recently, she got upset because I was too loud while talking on the phone with a friend. Another time, she made a scene because I bought new towels.
"This has affected our relationship terribly"
And how does my husband react? Unfortunately, he sides with his mother. When she complains about something, he says it’s my fault because I’m not trying hard enough. After 23 years together, it turns out he suddenly doesn’t like how I run the house! As you can imagine, we’ve been arguing a lot. I’m deeply disappointed in my husband. Of course, his mother is important to him, but in all this, I feel like a little girl who doesn’t know anything and does everything wrong.
I know this situation is having a terrible impact on our relationship. It’s sad, but for the first time in the history of our marriage, I’ve started thinking about separating. I can’t see a good solution to this situation. We can’t afford to rent an apartment for my mother-in-law. Besides, my husband isn’t even considering it. As he’s admitted, he doesn’t see anything wrong with his mother’s behavior.
Hanna
